The Valentines Day Hair Massacre

On the list of things to do on Valentines was getting Wes a haircut. The barber shoppe that we usually go to is on the other side of the city were we used to live, Wes has had the best haircuts of his life there, there are about 12 men who are masters at haircutting and do it while watching and talking sports. I thought perhaps all New York barber shoppes were going to be the same way. We decided to go to a barber shoppe closer to the house because we had other appointments and limited time. If I only knew then what I know now.

So here is the set up; there are a bunch of shops and restaurants in this mini mall but it looks nice (from the outside) and gives the appearance as though credible establishments are being run. I guess the saying looks aren't everything really comes into play in this situation. It gave us both a false sense of security.

Wes opens the door and the first thing I saw was a man who reminded me of Igor (Dr. Frankensteins assistant) my first instinct was to turn around and go back to the car. I am not usually weirded out by appearances but this guy scared the jeepers out of me from the get-go. He could barely see, his eyes were squinty but big at the same time and he was hunched over all dressed in black standing on great big tuffs of grey and white hair. The shoppe was in total disarray and made the whole situation even scarier.

Wes walks towards him and the guy (we will call him Igor) turns around and starts fumbling around on the counter behind him and finally finds his glasses. I think he wears the glasses for appearance sake because they did not improve his sight. Wes then tells him what kind of haircut he wants and the guy could not hear him, he shouted at Wes and said "you want a shave" and Wes was "no I want a fade." Wes further explained, a fade with a #2 and trimmed on the top. You would of thought by this time we would of started to run for the car but we did not want to be rude. The guy did not know what a fade was, he said it was just a fancy word and preceded to take out an electric razor that could of just done it's last haircuts on a bunch of cats because it looked like it was in really bad shape. By this time Wes starts looking tense and I have terror all over my face. Igor (important note Igor is mumbling to himself the whole time, you can't understand a word he is saying) starts shaving and about 30 seconds later the clippers ceased and desisted...they croaked. We should of taken this as a sign..run, get out of here, but alas we did not heed the warning. Igor got out another razor and they did not look any better than the first set and about 3 minutes later Wes looked like he was wearing a bowl, or joining a monastery. I can only imagine the look on my face but it didn't matter because Igor could not see me anyway, I was wondering how much more Wes was going to take before making a mad dash.

I came to find out later that Wes was trying to come up with a polite excuse for us to leave like...

- we need to go pick up our girls
- I think I left the stove on
- we forgot our money
and my personal favorite..."Did your water just break, I need to leave my wife is going into labor!!"

Wes has thick hair especially on top and because of that he has many childhood haircut traumas (you all know what I am talking about) from people trying to thin his hair..this is one of Wes's top horrors. All of a sudden I hear Igor say "your hair is too thick" and gets the scissors and starts HACKING at Wes's hair, it looked like somebody put a woodchuck in a leaf blower and all of its fur landed on Wesley's face. This was the straw that broke the camels back, all of a sudden Wesley stands up (your probably saying all of a sudden...I would of been out of their 10 minutes ago) and tells Igor that he has to leave and for me to pay him. Wes ran out of the building. I tell Igor we are sorry but we must go and I give him $10. Igor starts swearing and saying he does not understand and that he had not even started the haircut yet, I made an inaudible sound and hurried out of there.
So we are in the parking lot, traumatized and Wes is trying to brush all the hair off of him and puts on his winter hat (this is the only day in weeks that we have the sun out and the bird is chirping, it was so sad) so that people don't point and laugh. I felt so bad for him, my Valentine got his hair massacred!!!

Guess what we did next, we picked the girls up from school and went to the FABULOUS barber shoppe on the other side of town. I wish I could describe in words what Anthony's (the barber) face looked like when he saw Wes's hair...it was priceless. He knows we will never stray again, and he is right. I am so happy that it got fixed and better than that looks great because we have family pictures on Monday.